and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
