Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
