Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
