At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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