After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dear god my vagina.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
