There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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