i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
