I wish I could teleport
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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