No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
