so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize