grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
