I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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