i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
