if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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