when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
