How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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