Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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