so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize