You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
