I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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