we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
