I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize