I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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