Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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