I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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