I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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