She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
