3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
