how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize