Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This is my gift to your gina
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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