We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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