My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Randomize
