tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
