i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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