So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
