the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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