PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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