for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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