yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
