dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
