Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is Oprah even human
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
