Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
