you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
