i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
