Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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