I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
