I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
