Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
