you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize