i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
