I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
