oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
