my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
