dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
