Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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