found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
