Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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