call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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