No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
