I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
