i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
