He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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