the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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