Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
