If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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