He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
