So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
