the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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