I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
