Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
