No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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