We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
