i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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