I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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