You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
