i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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