12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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