My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
