There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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