really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
