I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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