Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
