if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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