I wish my penis had an off switch
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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