Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
