i think my tv is drunk
well I can't set my house on fire every night
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
