We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
