Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
