Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
