Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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