If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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