hell yes lets make some ravioli
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize