this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
