I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
