don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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