I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
