I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
